These Feelings of Mine
by EmperorXeroKi
Summary: I did it for both of us. For her sake and mine. I know I wouldn't be able to love her...because there's someone else. TWOSHOT
1. Chapter 1

**Just wanted to take a small detour from all the fluffy stuff I've been writing. I also need to get in the mood for writing my other story. The sadness was needed. Anyways, I hope you enjoy.**

 **-Zero**

* * *

These Feelings of Mine

"Umi-san, I like you! Please go out with me!" The younger girl expressed her feelings to the older. The confession reached the ears of the receiver as a cold font stabbed through her chest.

The bluenette internally sighed and stared at the smaller girl. She was nowhere near the height of her older sister, but that was one of her cute points. However, her looks were similar to a certain blonde, and that would only make things harder.

"I'm sorry Arisa, but I cannot return those feelings of your's." Umi gave the dark blonde girl a softened look. She tried to be as respectful as possible turning down the confession. She herself knew what the younger girl was feeling.

"It's fine." Arisa gave the taller girl a forced smile, tears on the verge of falling. "I wanted to at least let you know. I'm really sorry!"

Before Umi could stop her, Arisa ran away. Umi's chest felt heavy, but she knew this was for the best. She knew, deep down, if she accepted the confession it would be unfair to the young quarter Russian. Because in her heart, there was once someone there but she was never able to properly convey those feelings. She was always too stubborn, too afraid, to say how she feels...because she knew in the end it would had ended up the same as the first.

* * *

~Next Day~

"Explain yourself Umi! Why did you turn Arisa down?!" The same pair of blue eyes locked onto the bluenette, but with more anger and hate. That was the difference between the two siblings besides the shade of their hair color. Arisa could never look at her like that and it pained her knowing so.

Eli's burst of anger startled Honoka and Kotori who were sitting with Umi, and also caught the attention of everyone else. However the blue haired girl was unfazed by her anger.

"There's no need to explain. This was between me and Arisa, you have nothing to do with it." Umi replied in a calm voice.

 _Lies_

"Don't be ridiculous! This has everything to do with me, because my little sister came home crying yesterday because of you!" Eli slammed her hands on the desk.

Umi stayed silent. She knew well this was going to happen. She came prepared...so why was her heart beginning to waver.

"Elichi, I'm sure Umi-chan-"

"Nozomi," Eli contained her anger in her voice while speaking to her lover. "this is between us."

Aquamarine orbs closed for ten seconds before reveling themselves again. Eli tried to keep calm and talk with the second year again.

"Umi, tell me." Eli clenched her fists and tried to hold bad any ill feelings.

"What's the point in asking Eli? It's not going to change the fact that I turned her down." Umi avoided to make eye contact with the eyes that she once longed for.

"Umi! You listen to me!"

"NO! YOU LISTEN TO ME!" Umi stood up from her seat and slammed her hands onto the desk just like Eli. "YOU MAY BE HER OLDER SISTER, BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MEDDLE INTO OUR BUSINESS!"

Everyone was taken aback from the bluenette's sudden shout. Nico almost fell out of her chair, Maki flinched in her seat while Rin and Hanayo hugged each other in fear of what their two sempais would do to each other.

Honoka and Kotori tried to calm down Umi, but even they were afraid of what she would do.

Citrine gems glared back at the shocked blonde. "You aren't me! You can hate me all you want, but that won't change my answer! I did this for the sake for both of us! I know I'm not good enough for her because I wouldn't be able to like her back!"

Umi's voice gradually lowered. "It would be unfair for the both of us, more so with Arisa."

"Then why not give her a chance!" Eli exclaimed.

"Because there's someone else who could do a better job than me! If I accepted Arisa feelings, where would that leave Yukiho?!" Umi retorted.

"What does Yukiho have to do with this?" Honoka asked. The ginger wanted to know why Arisa's confession involved her sister.

"Of all people I thought you would have known Honoka." Umi's words came out more bitter than she wanted. "Yukiho came to me the day before Arisa confessed to me and asked me to accept it. But I could tell by her voice that she was forcing herself to say them."

* * *

~Two Days Ago~

"What did you need to ask me Yukiho?"

It was a cold afternoon, given that it was already winter, as the two were walking back to the Kousaka residence from the convenience store. Umi volunteered to go with Yukiho since she didn't want to be around Honoka and Kotori. Ever since the two had started dating Umi tried to be around less often to avoid being the third wheel.

"You see Umi-san...I know this isn't my place to tell you this but..." The younger girl faltered with her words. Her chest ached in a way that was so unbearable, it made her want to cry.

"What's wrong?" The concern look the bluenette was giving Yukiho was not helping.

"Tomorrow Arisa is going to confess her feelings for you...and I really want her to be happy." Yukiho held back her tears as she bowed down her head. "So, please accept it!"

The younger Kousaka was different from her older sister. She wasn't optimistic and charismatic like Honoka, but she was caring about her friends like the other.

"I'm sorry Yukiho, but I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Eh!" Yukiho looked up.

"I...would be a terrible person if I accepted her feelings...because I wouldn't feel the same way. Besides you have feelings for her, no?"

Tears were now streaming down the younger girl's face. She tried to find her voice to convince the older girl to change her mind...but she couldn't...not when Umi was smiling so sadly. Yukiho knew that smile well because she had used it before too. It was a false smile to hide away the pain. A smile to show others that you were perfectly fine on the outside, but hanging by a thread on the inside.

This wasn't the first time Yukiho had seen Umi smiled like that. When Honoka and Kotori first started dating and all three came over, the couple would be all over each other while she sat back in pain watching the two. But why did the bluenette feel like this now?

It's been months and Yukiho was sure Umi was over it. Three weeks ago she smiled genuinely when Yukiho was hanging out with Arisa and Eli. Everything changed the moment Eli confessed her feelings to...

"Umi-san...how can you keep smiling like that when you're the one in so much pain?" More tears fell from Yukiho's eyes. "It's not fair!"

Umi was shocked to hear the younger girl yell in frustration. She hadn't expected Yukiho to do so in her place.

"Thank you Yukiho." The taller girl pulled the other into a comforting embrace.

She cried. That was all Yukiho could do when she was pulled into such warmth. Such kindness...yet sadness at the same time.

"Yukiho...when I turn down Arisa's confession, I want you to be by her side. That way, she will finally understand that the one who truly loves her was by her side the whole time."

"I...I understand. I'm sorry for asking you this in the first place..."

"It's alright."

The two returned to Kousaka's sweetshop. Honoka asked why Yukiho's eyes were all red, but the younger sister waved her off by saying she had something in her eyes.

Umi went to go and gather her belongings to head home. She was exhausted. Her head was starting to ache, but the unsettling throbbing of her chest was more painful. To think that Yukiho was able to figure her out while her childhood friends were oblivious of her feelings.

* * *

~Current Time~

"Would you be happy if I dated Arisa without having any feelings for her whatsoever?" Umi questioned Eli.

"I'm not the type of person who would be inconsiderate of other people's feelings. I can't pretend to like someone when I still have someone else in my heart, even though that person is already with another." Umi held back the tears that threatened to fall down. Her hands balled up in fists as she restrained herself from breaking the table. "When that person gave me false hope after my first broken heart..."

Everyone was speechless. No one knew what to say to console Umi. Even Nozomi, the most motherly of the group, was left with nothing to say.

Kotori could barely look at her childhood friend. After Umi's outburst of words, she now knew why Umi had been distant with her and Honoka. How did she not notice from the start? When Umi gave them her best wishes for the both of them she was hiding her true feelings.

Eli stood there processing every single word Umi threw at her. The blonde wanted to beat herself up for being so insensitive. She cared about Arisa so much that she completely forgot that Umi also had feelings.

"Umi, I-"

"I'm going home." Umi took a deep breath and moved across the clubroom to gather her belongings. She didn't want to be here anymore. It was hard to breath in such a tensed room full of people.

"Umi-chan, I'll come with you." Kotori was finally able to find her voice.

"I want to be alone right now." Umi headed for the door and spoke with her back turned against the group closing the door behind her.

 **xXx**

"I really am an idiot." Eli slumped into the chair Umi sat in and covered her eyes with her hands.

"Elichi..." Nozomi rubbed her girlfriend's shoulder.

"Yeah, you really are." Nico stated bluntly. Everyone looked at the club president.

"What did you say?" Eli was in no mood for another fight.

"You're all idiots for not noticing how much turmoil her feelings were putting her though." Ruby jewels glared at the culprits.

"You make it sound like you knew Nico." Honoka looked at the smaller girl.

"I did, but she asked me not to tell anyone."

Maki looked at the smaller girl in disbelief. Of all people, Umi told Nico.

Nico noticed the first year's face and decided to explain. "I noticed she was more distant with Honoka and Kotori. At first I thought she was just giving you two time to be together alone more, but even then I couldn't help but think. Then when she was around Eli she seemed to have smiled more."

Red eyes glared at the blonde. "And then you decided to confess to Nozomi. I found her on the roof that day in the corner crying to herself! Telling herself 'it's okay' and 'we were just friends'!" Nico tried really hard to hold back from yelling.

Kotori and Honoka looked at the ground in silence. Eli wasn't any better. The quarter Russian couldn't even look at Nico in the eyes. The whole room was filled with nothing but silence.

* * *

Umi left the school grounds and decided to make a short stop at a nearby park. The bluenette took a seat on a bench and leaned her head towards the sky. She didn't really want to go home at the moment; she just used it as an excuse to leave the clubroom. Her mind was spinning from all of the blood that rushed to her head from earlier. In all truth, she just wanted to disappear and pretend none of that ever happened.

"Excuse me, but is this seat occupied?"

Umi looked up to find evergreen orbs looking back at her. The girl's short stature was much smaller compared to Umi, but most likely taller than Nico. Her brown hair was cropped to show off her forehead, she stood there with a gentle smile on her face.

"You're..."

"Kira Tsubasa, I know. Nice to meet you Sonoda Umi-san."

* * *

 **So that happened…**

 **I'm kinda lazy to finish the rest so I'll let you hang there. Use your imagination as you like. This is a oneshot so I don't plan to make another chapter, but I might reconsider because I'm sure some of you want to know what happens next. I might write another chapter if I feel like it.**

 **Unitl Next Time…**


	2. Chapter 2

**I knew I just couldn't leave you guys hanging there, so here it is. Enjoy. (Possible OOC)**

 **-Zero**

* * *

These Feelings of Mine Pt. 2

Weeks have passed since the whole fiasco with Umi and Eli. The blue haired archer would still come to the club, but that didn't mean there wasn't any awkwardness between some of the members. Winter break started today and the group were deciding on how to spend it.

 **xXx**

"Hey, tomorrow we should all go and have some fun!" Honoka suggested the idea in hope to get everyone back together. She didn't like how awkward the group has gotten (then again she didn't realize she was part of it).

"Sorry, but I have plans on that day. You guys can go without me." Umi got up and began to gather her belongings. "Besides I think it's best if I'm not around to spoil your fun."

Her last few words came out in a mumble, so nobody heard them (except for a certain first year). Honoka was down knowing that Umi could be using that as an excuse to not go, but then again she wasn't one to lie about it either.

"Oh...okay..."

"Honoka-chan...Umi-chan..." Kotori looked between her two best friends. One who was her lover and the other who once had feelings for her.

* * *

~The Next Day~

"Remind me again, why are we doing this?" Maki leaned against the wall with one foot on the ground.

"Because we're here to find out if she's telling the truth or not." Nico replied. "Besides, you wouldn't be here if you weren't interested in those rumors."

"Don't be stupid." Amethyst narrowed to glare at ruby gems.

"You're not being honest." Nico taunted the younger girl.

Just when Maki was about to retort to the smaller girl's comment Hanayo shushed them both.

"You're both being too loud."

"Kayochin...you're too serious." Rin tried to calm down her girlfriend.

"This was not what I had in mind to spend winter break...but I guess it wouldn't hurt to see it for ourselves." Honoka added.

"I agree, it kind of makes you feel excited, right Elichi?" Nozomi looked to her left and asked her dazed girlfriend.

"Eh, uh, yeah." Nozomi raised an eyebrow at the blonde, but didn't question it. She knew that Eli was still thinking about her relationship with Umi. After their fight, the two had barely spoken to each other.

Eli was in deep thought. She didn't know why, she was frustrated with Umi, but more so with herself. The rumors that they heard yesterday was still swirling through her mind. Was Umi really one to move on so quickly?

* * *

 _Everyone was making their way home together, with the absence of Umi. The bluenette had said that she had some matters to take care of._

 _"Hey, hey. Did you hear? Sonoda-sempai turned down another confession." A first-year student was gossiping with her friend._

 _"Really? Maybe I still have a chance then." The girl's friend replied._

 _They didn't mean to, but Honoka and the others had picked up a conversation about their blue haired friend. Their hearts sank, knowing the reason why Umi would turn down a confession._

 _"This is between us, but I'm sure you've heard the rumors about Sonoda-sempai." The girl whispered._

 _"Rumors? You know things like that are never true right?" Her friend gave her a raised eyebrow._

 _"I know, but maybe it might be true. You see, when I forgot something back in the archery range yesterday I accidentally heard a conversation that Sonoda-sempai was having with someone on the phone. They were talking about some plans that they have for tomorrow." The first-year explained._

 _"What's your point? Maybe it was plans with a friend."_

 _"But you should have seen the smile on her face. It's been a long time since I've seen Sonoda-sempai smile so big. Ever since everyone in Muse started dating each other, sempai changed. But whoever was on the other side of the phone was able to make Sonoda-sempai smile that could brighten up the city for days."_

* * *

"There she is! I found Um-" Hanayo and Maki slapped their hands onto Rin's mouth to prevent her from giving away their hiding place.

And like the first-year had shouted, the bluenette was dressed casually, dark pants with probably a button up long-sleeved shirt with a sweater under her jacket topped off with a white scarf, as if meeting a frequent friend. The members couldn't clearly read her face expression. It was well...her usual blank face, so they weren't sure if the person she was meeting was the same someone the first-years from yesterday were talking about.

xXx

Umi looked the screen of her phone to check the time. It was a quarter past three, just on time, like she had promised the other.

"There she is! I found Um-"

Umi furrowed her eyebrows, the voice was very similar to someone she knew. She shrugged off the thought and entered the café that was decided to be their meeting place. She sat down at a table for two and ordered a cup of black tea.

"I'm sorry." Umi turned to the familiar voice that apologized to her. "I kind had to shake some people before getting here."

"There's no need to apologize, you're not late, I just got here myself." The taller girl gestured the other to sit down at the table with her.

"I know, but I was the one who invited you today Umi-san." The tried to apologize again, but the bluenette shook her head.

"I should be thanking you for inviting me out today...if not I might have been stuck somewhere else I didn't want to be..." Amber orbs trailed to the window and watched the outside words before returning her gaze onto the other girl. "Thank you, Kira-san."

"Mou~, I already told you that we can stop with the formalities now Umi-san." Tsubasa pouted at the taller girl.

"Eh? Oh, right. My apologies, Tsubasa-san..." Umi cheeks became hinted with pink from embarrassment.

"Hehe, Umi-san can be quite cute when she blushes." Tsubasa smiled and comment caused the bluenette to blush even further.

"N-n-never mind about that. You still haven't told me specifically why you wanted me to meet you today." Umi tried to control the heat in her face and change the subject to keep Tsubasa from teasing.

 **xXx**

"I can't hear them." Hanayo tried her best to stay out of the two's view of vision while trying to hear what they were talking about.

"Hanayo, don't you think this is taking things a little too far." Maki tried to calm down her friend.

"Shh, Maki, I'm trying to listen." Nico shushed the redhead as she also tried to eavesdrop on Umi and Tsubasa's conversation.

"Is this really how you want to spend your winter break with your girlfriend?" Maki asked before she was shushed again by the two. "I don't know why I even bother."

Amethyst gems scanned the table they were sitting at. Deep down Maki knew they were being ridiculous, but even she couldn't help but wonder what Umi was doing with the other girl. Kira Tsubasa, Muse's rival, was sitting with Sonoda Umi, Muse's lyricist. Everyone was surprised by the fact that the person Umi was waiting for was ARISE's center.

"Shall we leave then?" They saw Umi get up and take Tsubasa by the hand.

Everyone's jaws dropped. Was this Umi the one they knew at school? Sonoda Umi, the girl who had zero experience when it came down to love. The girl who had her heart broken, not once, but twice was already dragging another girl by the hand like they were close.

 **xXx**

"Um, Umi-san, where exactly are we going?" Tsubasa questioned the blue haired girl as she was suddenly dragged off by the girl.

"I just remembered that there was this book that I wanted to buy." Umi turned around and face the shorter girl. "You don't mind do you?"

"No, not at all, but afterwards we get to go somewhere I want to go."

Umi nodded to her request, but on the inside she was having conflicted thoughts. While listening to Tsubasa in the café, she saw the other two members of ARISE. There was no way Umi was going to let them find Tsubasa, not what after they had put her through.

* * *

"You seem kind of down." The other girl sat down beside Umi and stared off towards the distance.

 _"I...have a lot going on right now..." Umi replied._

 _"Haha, I guess we're on the same boat then." Tsubasa smiled sadly at Umi before returning her gaze back to the distance. "Anju just told me that she and Erena are dating. It was no surprise since I already knew they liked each other, but..."_

 _"I'm sorry, but why are you telling me this?" Umi turned to her and questioned the brunette. "We barely know each other."_

 _Suddenly, Tsubasa leaned her head into Umi's shoulder. "I'm know, but please listen to me. It hurts. It hurts so much when you confessed to someone you like only to find out they have someone else."_

 _Umi eyes widened at the sudden action. Her body froze when Tsubasa explained her reasoning, but relaxed when she felt hot tears fall onto her hand. On instinct, like when she would comfort her own friends, she wrapped her arms around the girl and pulled her into an embrace. Umi herself didn't understand why she was doing this herself, but in a way she saw Tsubasa the same as she saw herself._

* * *

After going to the bookstore, Umi was dragged everywhere by the brunette. From the small amount of time that they spent with each other Umi was slowly seeing similarities between Tsubasa and some of the members of Muse.

Charismatic like a certain ginger, convincing like a taupe haired girl, and playful like a blonde. She also found the brunette to be quite childlike, which was nothing like what was shown when ARISE would promote their songs. Umi hated herself for comparing them. She didn't want it to seem like she was using Tsubasa as a rebound, a replacement for what she couldn't have.

"Here you go Umi-san." Tsubasa handed her a strawberry crepe. The blue haired girl accepted and began discarded her distracting thoughts to enjoy the presence of the other. "Ah, Umi-san, you got some on yourself."

"Eh?!" Umi's body froze when Tsubasa wiped off cream from the corner of her lips. The smaller girl gave Umi a cheeky smile before causing the bluenette to blush when she licked the cream from her finger. "You could have done that in a more normal fashion."

"Aw~ there wouldn't be any fun in that then."

Tsubasa couldn't help but tease Umi. She found it downright cute, no straight up adorable, how the other would madly blush at even the smallest things. Tsubasa found herself wanting to get close to the bluenette. She wasn't sure why, but being around Umi made her feel relaxed, like she could be whoever she wanted to be without being judged (well...except for when she does things that are considered shameful or embarrassing to the bluenette). But at the same time, she was scared of getting hurt again or possibly hurting the other. Tsubasa knew what she was getting herself into (which was the real reasoning behind inviting Umi out), but she couldn't help but wonder what Umi was thinking.

The brunette found Umi to be adorable and cute, but also kind, considerate, strong, smart, and-

"Tsubasa-chan..." A familiar feminine voice called out her name. All thoughts in Tsubasa's mind ceased to exist as her mind went completely blank.

"A-Anju...Erena..."

"I thought you said you were busy today." Erena questioned her friend with a disapproving look. "But we find you having fun with someone else."

"Tsubasa-san isn't at fault here. I was the one who asked her to meet me." Umi lied. She didn't know why, but the words came out before she could properly think of a more truthful answer.

"Umi-san..." Evergreen orbs looked at the blue haired girl.

"Why are you lying Umi-chan?" Kotori stood up from where they were hiding and walked up to them. Clearly, she didn't like how her childhood friend, who was always honest with everyone, was lying.

"What are you doing here Kotori? Why is everyone else here as well?" Then it dawned onto Umi. She wasn't going crazy when thought she kept hearing the members of Muse while with Tsubasa. "You were following us!"

"Umi, don't take this the wrong way." Nico tried to explain.

"We were just curious about some rumors about you having a girlfriend nya." The words escaped Rin's mouth so quickly that no one was able to stop her from speaking, but Rin didn't regret saying them. She didn't like keeping things secret from the bluenette for too long.

"What?!" Umi and all the members of ARISE shouted at the others. The three were out of confusion while the bluenette was more out of anger.

"Whether or not that rumor was true don't you think it would have been better off to have asked instead of sneaking around and following people!" Amber eyes swirled with many emotions, face full of hurt. "Did you really think I'm the type to move on so easily? Or am I just that untrustworthy?"

"Umi-" Nozomi tried to speak for the rest of Muse but was abruptly cut off from the said person.

"Enough!" Umi turned her heated gaze away from her friends and faced Tsubasa. "I'm sorry for having to end today like this, but I'll be heading home now."

The shorter girl tried to speak, but Umi was already walking away. Tsubasa gave a look at her two friends.

"You know, Umi-san would always listen to what I have to say." Then the brunette faced the members of Muse. "I don't know the whole story of what happened between all of you, but I do know this. Umi-san would always speak highly of all of you...yet when she does it seems as though she holding back her true feelings from showing. Umi-san is strong, but as humans we all have our limits. We're not dating if you're still wondering about that, but if we were...I would never want her to to make such a broken face like that.

Tsubasa looked up towards the greying sky. "It looks like it's going to rain..." She mumbled to herself before taking a deep breath.

* * *

Faster. That's all Tsubasa concentrated on while she ran to catch up with Umi. She weaved through the crowds and hoped that the bluenette was still nearby. That when she spotted a silhouette with long blue hair sitting at the same bench were they first spoke to each other.

"Umi-san!" The small girl shouted out the other's name.

"Tsubasa-san..." Umi was shocked to see the panting girl standing in front of her.

"I just...had to see you..." The brunette spoke in between breaths.

They talked. Umi explained the full story of what had happened between her and Muse. She explained to Tsubasa that she wasn't trying to use her as a rebound, and truthfully told her that she enjoyed spending time with her.

"What if I told you I wouldn't mind going out you..." Tsubasa blushed and averted her eyes from the bluenette. "Just kidding..."

"Then I would hope that you will be willing to wait." The shorter girl turned around to face Umi. She wasn't expecting her to actually answer the question.

"Come again?"

"I don't know if I will be able to love again so easily. It will take time for me to pick up the pieces. I also don't want you to make such a rash decision when you just had your own heart broken." Umi gave Tsubasa her gentle lopsided smile. "But, if there ever comes a time when these feelings of mine are ready, will you be kind enough to accept them?"

"O-of cou- *achoo*" Of all times, she had to sneeze during such an important moment.

Umi chuckled at the brunette and stood to stand in front of her. She undid her scarf and wrapped it around the other.

"Until that say comes, will you hold onto this for me?"

Tsubasa's face became extremely hot. She wasn't sure if it was the scarf or because Umi's smile looked so beautiful. All she knew was that her heart was beating to the point where it was hurting. How could someone so kind like Umi not have someone to love? Unconfident in her ability to speak at the moment, Tsubasa nodded and looked towards the sky. Umi did the same and held out her hands.

"It's snowing."

* * *

 **That's it. I believe this is a good place to stop this story. In truth, my real intentions was to turn this into a Maki x Umi and Nico x Tsubasa, but decided that Umi x Tsubasa would have been more interesting. Might write more of this pairing in the future (if only Tsubasa's character had more info to write off from).**


End file.
